Oh what a beautiful morning!

That’s what the birds were singing while I was on my walk today, just for me. It really was awesome to hear the unbridled happiness every step of my mile and a half. Well, almost a half. Here it is the middle of February and we are enjoying a mild 52 degrees at 9:00 am and it will get up to 77 degrees later. We are so lucky here in Texas in the winter. Notice I didn’t say the summer!

There are so many nests in the bare trees in my neighborhood. It sounded like the birds were singing out to a future mate, “Hey, I’m here, my nest is ready. Come get me!” It is Valentine’s Day after all. It got me thinking about how my nest will be completely empty pretty soon. My second child will be graduating high school in June and then he’s off to college. The bright sunshine kind of woke up my consciousness this morning. It really is right around the corner. I mean it’s only a month till spring break, six weeks till Easter. When May hits, it’s all downhill.

Thank goodness he’s been reminding me what I need to do. Cap and gown has been ordered, as have announcements. I found out what a stole is and ordered that. We’ve met with the counselor and she assured us he will graduate! He has been accepted at one school. It was intended as his fall back school, but so far it’s the only one. The day he accepted and booked the dorm, I was in a bit of shock. So this is it, he’s really going?

It’s not like I haven’t been aware of his upcoming departure. He’s not here fulltime anyway. Most weekends he’s at his dad’s and last summer he was hardly here. And there’s a girlfriend, so that automatically reduces my access to him. You could say my adjustment period started a year ago and I’m surviving. There are fewer family dinners and less conversations. No shared couch time anymore at all. But we still have hugs and sincere I love you’s most nights!

I’m not worried about what I’m going to do with my time once he’s gone. I know I will always have more options than time. But I am suddenly thinking about how I’m running out of mama time. My baby has grown up all of a sudden. It doesn’t matter that he’s been taller than me for probably three years. As he’s been telling me for months, he’s a man now. Wow, how did that happen? I suddenly have this urge to pull out old photo albums and make him sit on the couch with me so I can tell him stories he probably doesn’t want to hear.

Am I feeling my own mortality as he comes into his manhood? I don’t think I’m that morbid, but there is a sense of time growing shorter and so much still to do. Luckily I’m an optimist and do really think it’ll all work out. Or maybe it’s that my faith is strong. I’m supposed to trust in God and believe that it will all work out according to his plan.

As I’m typing that and trying to get in a Zen place, I realize I forgot to order the senior photo! I guess He’s too busy for that detail, so I’m going to do it right now. What else have I forgotten? Maybe I should tell my family when it is so I’m not sitting in the bleachers alone on that special day in June which will mark a major shift in our lives, to be slightly overly dramatic!


About tammyyoga

I am 50+ and mostly proud of it! This is the half-way point of my life. I hunger for knowledge in many different areas. I want to go into the next half with continued good health including physical, mental and spiritual well-being.
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